Archive for the Random Thoughts Category

I Am Understood?

Posted in Random Thoughts on January 13, 2011 by alysonnschmidt

Okay, so I’m sitting in Panera Bread right now because I like their coffee and wi-fi.  And people make fascinating studies for any decent writer.  Now, I’m minding my own business, per usual, averting my glances from any chance of eye contact with others because I’m convinced they can tell I’m shy and a little insecure.  The iPod is quietly shuffling tunes in the background as I divide my attention between Twitter, Facebook, CNN, Adam Young’s blog and a percolating idea for a post when an uncomfortable amount of teenagers decide to takeover ever available table, chair and booth around my own small booth and table in the corner of the back room.  Suddenly, my musical world is shattered by:

“Ohmigosh did you hear what happened to….”

“Ugh!  My Econ final was….”

“Are you serious?!”

“There’s not enough room….”

Imagine twenty teens talking (all at the same time, I might add) as if their friends are across the restaurant when really they are only a few inches away.  Cell phones and flipping hair (from both males and females) abound.  A boy and girl are touching and flirting as if they are not surrounded by their friends as well as strangers, and I’m surreptitiously ignoring them.  Until a familiar face appears at the table next to mine.

Suddenly, this computer screen is the most enthralling thing I’ve seen, like, ever.  I lean my head against the wall to recover from the dizzy that happens behind my eyes every time I see a person I kind of know outside of where I know them.  In this particular case, the boy I recognize, who is a part of this large herd of pubescent creatures, is a friend of my cousin Rachel.  He came to a couple of our weekly get-togethers of Glee-watching at Rachel’s house.  We talked a little, but mostly he and Rachel discussed school while I looked from him to her, putting faces and settings to the names and scenarios they were verbally throwing back and forth without explanation.  There was no need for clarification.  They understood what they were talking about as they both go to the same school, run with the same crowds, have some of the same classes.

Anyway, now I’m praying he won’t recognize me.  Maybe he didn’t see me blending with the wall in the corner.  Or maybe he thinks he might know me but he’s too afraid of what his friends will think if he says ‘hi’ and I’m not who he thought.  Whatever the case, I’m thinking if I just stare at the computer then he can’t even see me.  Not making eye contact is the invisibility of the shy.  I wonder if he’s waiting for me to say ‘hi’ first, but there is no way that is happening.  I am unfamiliar to seeing him in this place and with these people, so I just keep quiet to avoid making a public spectacle of myself.

But why?  Why do I care what people think of me?  Is this a flaw in my personality?  Should I be more extroverted so people view me as friendly and approachable?  Is this introversion the reason why I can’t seem to find my soul mate?  Did I meet him once but was too apprehensive to strike up a conversation?

These questions bombard my brain until it becomes easy to just shut down and drown them out with some Beach Boys and a 4-mile run.  So, I convince myself that I’m just misunderstood by most, and being guarded is just protection against those who want to prey on my fragile emotions.  Having a few close, trustworthy friends is better than giving away so much of myself to people who don’t really care until I’m a bitter, broken mess. Then I’m reminded of a particular Relient K song.  You recite my words right back to me before I even speak; You let me know I am understood.

God created me and my personality.  He knows, and can completely relate, to every internal or external struggle I can and will ever have.  Sure, I would benefit from a complete character overhaul, but who wouldn’t?  The point is this, my friends.  Every individual has a say in who they are, but we can’t necessarily change how others view us.  Be the person you are, the person God created you to be, and let Him worry about the rest.  He knows my quirks and thought patterns and wants to meet me where I am because He is love.  So, I’m letting Him.  I’m surrendering control.

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15 Thanks

Posted in Random Thoughts on November 30, 2010 by alysonnschmidt

Well, hi there!

It’s been awhile; please forgive my negligence.  There was a week or so in there that can’t be accounted for on account I was abducted by aliens dressed in polyester driving a silver Lexus.  They commandeered a ship and kept me adrift in the Atlantic Ocean for most of the time; a very affective form of mind control as there was no way to escape, but the food was spectacular.  Anyway, that is beside the point.

We are smack in the middle of what is called the “holiday season.”  Otherwise known as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, my birthday.  A reflective time for sure as the year is coming to a close in order for another to begin, but it’s last Thursday that I would like to go back to.  It was a wonderful day filled with family, turkey, football, wii-ing and yappy dogs at my house, but I couldn’t help but remember Thanksgivings past.  When we would go to my grandparents house and Grandpa would have turkey, ham and “road kill” as meat choices.  When us kids were strongly encouraged, but not forced, to eat our vegetables.  When Dad, Uncle Tom, Grandpa, my two brothers and I would brave the chilly weather to launch model rockets in the backyard.  When my Grandma was still alive.

It’s been three years, but all the traditions we used to have died with her.  I know change is good, but it hurts, too.  Still, I have been more than blessed, and this is what I held onto as Mom bustled about the kitchen preparing spinach dip and mashed potatoes and Dad got in the way while cooking the turkey.  There is not a day that goes by in which we should not be giving thanks, but on this Thanksgiving day, when new traditions were made at my house, God gave me just a glimpse of a future I thought would turn out much differently.  If I had my way I would have a job by now, I would have a significant other, I would still have my Grandma, I would not still be living at home….but thank God that’s not how life has turned out so far because then I would not have had the memories made on Thursday and Friday, I would not know my sister-in-law the same way I do now, and I would not still have a burning hope that God has grand plans for my future.

So, here is my list of thanks.  Read it, or don’t, but I urge you to make a list of your own just as a reminder of God’s goodness.

1. God’s love, grace, faithfulness, *insert attribute here*.  He is everything, and I am nothing.

2. Family.  Sure, it’s a requisite for this list, but I am truly thankful for my parents, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. not just because they love me, but because they taught me about Jesus, were an example of love displayed, and put up with my antics. 

3. Music.  The best form of expression (whether it be self-expression or worship to God), bonding (“I love this song!”  “Really?  Me too!”), escape, emoting (kinda goes with expression), or way to just find a little joy.  I can’t hardly put into words how much music has influenced who and what I am as a human being.  I love to play it, sing it, write it, listen to it, fall asleep to it, and share it with loved ones.  There is a song for everything!

4. Talented musicians.  There is a lot of crap music in this world, but you don’t have to go far to find clever lyrics, crunchy melodies, minty harmonies and a nutty drum solo.  Mix it up and you’ve got musical cocoa that is sure to delight and warm even the coldest of souls.  Some of my favorite musicians, you ask?  Matthew Thiessen (Relient K), Adam Young (Owl City), Freddie Mercury (Queen), Ryan Dunson (Rookie Of The Year), Steve Wick, Brian Wilson (The Beach Boys), Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen), Tiffany Arbuckle Lee (Plumb), David Lee Roth (Van Halen), Rivers Cuomo (Weezer), Max Bemis (Say Anything), Pete Townshend (The Who), Jen Ledger (Skillet), George Harrison (The Beatles), Keith Moon (The Who), Neil Peart (Rush), Stephen Christian (Anberlin), Jack White (The White Stripes), Diana Ross, Zooey Deschanel (She & Him), TobyMac, Taylor Swift, Curt Smith (Tears For Fears)….obviously this list could go on for days, but I digress.  I’m grateful God has gifted these people with their abilities, and that they have the courage to share with the rest of us.

5. Friends.  Real ones.  The kind that laugh even if you’re trying too hard to be funny,  cry with you as your heart is breaking, tell you when you’re out of line, pray for and with you, and actually want to hear all the mundane details of your week just to feel like they were there with you.  Y’all know who you are.

6. Sophie.  The cutest Yorkshire Terrier on the planet.  She’s my sunshine.

7. Four seasons.  No, not the hotel or the band (although, both are wonderful things for sure).  I am not a fan of cold weather, but I love that blustery winters become warm springs and hot summers become brisk autumns.  With each season comes its pros and cons, and I would hate to miss a minute of it.

8. Intellect.  Shallow?  Maybe.  However, it’s a blessing to have my own opinions about things and to be able to smartly discuss and/or debate with those who have the same or differing opinions.  Also, the ability to learn and retain knowledge is a gift we oft taken for granted, I think.  God has made me into a relatively smart, opinionated, responsible, functioning member of society, so who am I to take the credit for it?

9. Hockey!  Specifically, the Chicago Blackhawks.  Is there another sport in which large, muscular men on ice skates can body slam their opponents into the wall and not be penalized for it?  I think not!

10. Humor.  There is irony all around us, and those who can expose it to make people laugh is a beautiful gift.  As a very wise man once said, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

11. Flannel sheets.  Enough said.  Soft and cozy to wrap up in on these cold winter nights.  What a blessing!

12. Hot drinks on cold days.  Actually, I’m thankful for hot drinks on any days, but I love how they can warm your veins when the chill sets in so deep that even thermal underwear and sweatpants can’t ward it off.  What can I say, I’m cold-blooded.

13. Home.  Not just the people, but the house itself.  I’m grateful that I have a place to call home, a bed to sleep in, food to eat; we live in luxury compared to some.

14.  Apple.  You know, all that stuff that begins with i; iTunes, iPad, iPhone, iPod aka genius!  The Macbook pro and I have been through some tough times as well as happy times together, and it faithfully stores my life without complaint.

15. 2000 Grand Am.  My car.  He gets me from point A to point B and doesn’t use up too much gas in the process.  What more could a girl want?

Additions and other lists welcome.

Peace and blessin’s

Alyson

Hello, Blog World!

Posted in Random Thoughts on September 27, 2010 by alysonnschmidt

Congratulations!  You must be bored if you’re reading this; my first post ever!  Hopefully they will be a little longer than this.  Enjoy, and please keep coming back!  I heart you, and Jesus does too.

Alyson Schmidt